The Confidence Doc

Self-Mastery: What You Give Your Attention to Determines Your Destination

Empowerment happens when you become aware of the importance your day-to-day choices.  Success and happiness is not a random event, it is not about “luck”.  My husband was watching the Ben Carson Story movie last night and it caused me to recall the phenomenal life that this world-renowned Pediatric Neurosurgeon has led. 

Dr. Carson grew up angry and poor in Detroit and except for an act of grace, could have had a very different life experience.  He had a very quick temper and one day, he reach for a knife to stab a friend who said something that he did not like and the knife struck the child’s belt buckle and broke. 

This startled young Ben so severely that it jolted him to pray to heal his anger. I can relate to this.  I too once had a destructive anger problem, and I am here to say that you can heal any self-limiting belief that you want to - if you really want to travel further in life, that is.

Dr. Carson has a mother who, though she only had a third grade education, she decided that she and her boys would not lead a life of blame and victimization.  Instead of allowing them to spend time in front of media all evening, she had her boys read two books a week and to write book reports.  She did this despite the fact that she could not read them through herself. 

Low Self-Esteem: How Blame is Disempowering You

Low Self-esteem and feeling disempowered has been associated with some articles that I have come across on the Internet lately.  One had to do with the increase in physical abuse from husbands who have turned on their wives due to the stress from the downturn in the economy. 

The articles discussed the association between low self-esteem the tendency to strike out and blame others, as well as the tendency of women with low self-worth to gravitate toward abusive relationships. 

When the male partner lose their jobs, they blame disempowering feelings on someone weaker than themselves and blame people and circumstances outside of themselves for their situation.  Blame is always disempowering and only adds fuel to the fire of low self-worth. 

This is an example of why it is time to look at blame and “victim consciousness”.  We are living in the era of personal responsibility and I love the message from our newly elected president, Barack Obama, which is “Yes We Can”.  This includes you too. 

As long as we do not take responsibility for our situations, we will also feel powerless to change them.  It is no accident that the very foundations of our institutions and systems, the way business is carried out, is being rocked to the core. 

Self-Esteem: If Self Acceptance is Required, How Do I Change?

Self-esteem, I believe, is the foundation upon which the structure of your life is built.  It is unfortunate that it is not more consciously addressed since it has so much importance. 

I think that part of the challenge is having an agreed upon working definition of it.  I am defining it as the value that one ascribes to their ‘self’…actually I should say Self, with a capital ‘S’. 

When I came to understand that I was not ‘only Human’, that I have a Spiritual nature as well, I began to understand that it was this ‘Spiritual Self’ that was the ‘real me’. 

The Human self from my point of view is more of an experience, not my true essence.  Living as Human is experiencing the world of the material, which of course is life as seen with our physical eyes.  It is the world of duality; good vs bad, right vs wrong, up vs down, etc. 

While is has its place so that we can experience planet Earth, it is not all there is.  This is where most of us get lost in the ‘drama of life’.  In order to develop HEALTHY self-esteem, I had to understand that at my CORE, I am truly just fine. 

I just AM. 

Confidence Buster: Self-Sabotage from Limiting Beliefs

Confidence is a powerful key in creating a life that is a masterpiece instead of just ‘scribble scrabble’.  At a very young age, I could tell that there were different levels on which to experience life and so did my young son. 

I remember when my son was about three years old, my husband drove up in his new car and my son suddenly did not want to stay in my car, he wanted to climb out and ride in the new shiny car. 

He also enjoyed air travel on airplanes and the beaches and ocean for vacation.  Now, this does not mean a three year-old is materialistic or greedy.  He just sees what is attractive to him and he enjoys adventure and travel. 

He had and still has the confidence to think ‘big’ and believe that he can create a life that is fun and meaningful for him.  This is the key:  FOR HIM! 

While I emphasize to him the need to be grateful and generous of heart, I believe it is good that he feels empowered to live the lifestyle that is at a level that is comfortable and exciting for him.  I encourage him to go for his highest good and to develop his gifts and talents without regard as to whether or not others approve or think that it is possible or not. 

As long as he truly believes, it is up to him.  Now here is a VERY IMPORTANT point:  It is not what he believes in his head but in his heart, meaning his unconscious or subconscious mind. 

Confidence and Social Conditioning

Confidence is something that is developed with experiences and our level of self-esteem influences our ability to respond confidently or not, to circumstances.  I believe that babies and young children are naturally self-accepting and are risk takers, but that these tendencies to behave boldly are conditioned out of us, consciously and unconsciously. 

We underestimate the power of belief.  In fact, I know that most people do not even realize that their lives evolve around a cluster of beliefs and that beliefs can be changed. 

Usually when I ask someone why he or she thinks the way they do about something they answer that ‘it is just the way it is’ or some variant of this.  Well, I say that it is not ‘just the way it is’ for everyone, but it will be for the person who truly see life from this angle. 

Remember that we do not see reality as it is; we see it as we are. 

It is all about perception, as perceptions rule.  Even animals and insects can be conditioned into certain perceptions.  If you take a baby elephant and tie it’s leg to a post or tree with a strong chain, it will grow up to believe that it cannot escape from even a flimsy rope tied around its leg later in life. 

There Is More To Belief Than What You Think

Belief is not just what you 'think'.  It is also what you FEEL. 

In fact if there is no emotion attached to it, it is just an intellectual notion, such as daydreaming, without conviction. When I first began to realize that I was not a hapless victim or sometimes lucky or unlucky, I did not realize the importance of having feeling attached to my thoughts to create change. 

The brain connections (neuronal connections) can begin to be affected by holding images in the mind coupled with feeling, as if it is actually physically occurring. This is what mental rehearsal or visualization is and high performing athletes such as Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods are known for using this process. 

How Beliefs Color Perception

Perception is a filter through which you view the world, the events that transpire in your life.  This filter is built upon our beliefs and our beliefs most commonly come from what we are handed down, either via family systems, religious affiliation, school or government. 

Unless you have had a conscious awakening, so to speak, you are on autopilot concerning your beliefs.  When I was a child, I learned by observing and ultimately modeling the behavior of those in my world, particularly my authority figures. 

I even noticed that if I questioned, or disagreed, it was considered unacceptable behavior.  It was as if there was only one 'right' way, and it happened to be the flavor of the moment for that particular authority figure. 

Confidence and Self-Fulfilling Prophecy - The Power of Belief

Confidence and self-esteem have a common denominator – belief.  I used to think that what I believed was ‘just the way it is’.  No, it would have been more accurate to say, that it was just the way it is, FOR ME. 

What you believe absolutely matters – to how YOU experience life in particular.  We think that the way we see the world is reality. 

Actually, the way we see the world is simply a reflection of what we REALLY believe about ourselves.  What we believe is a combination of familial belief systems that have been passed down to us that we accept, and social conditioning from school, church and the society at large. 

Personal Empowerment: Some Old Adages That Need to Be Retired

Personal empowerment is an inside job.  I believe it is time for people to start to think for themselves instead of believing all of the old worn out hand-me-down beliefs that they were given which do not serve their highest good. 

I’ve had some discussions on beliefs on previous blogs, and I’ve given some viewpoints on what they are.  One thing is for certain; they are not to be written in stone if you know what is good for you. 

Just think about some ‘old adages’ that you know of that many people literally believe, even if unconsciously, such as ‘you can’t teach an old dog new tricks’.  This one implies that after a certain age, one can count on losing memory, inability to learn new skills and brain cells which have stop growing since late childhood. 

Even science claimed it to be true....until recently. 

Neuroplasticity: You Can Teach An Old Dog New Tricks!

Neuroplasticity is the scientific term for the brain’s ability to grow new brain cells (neurons) and to make new neuronal connections. A key to developing neuroplasticity is focused attention or mindfulness and learning new skills and information. In layman’s terms, ‘exercising your brain with intention.’ 

When you actually apply what you learn by repeatedly ‘doing’, you can really not only train your brain, you will even develop the memory in your body at a subconscious level.

It was only a few, years ago that science was still saying that this was impossible.   Science is truth with a small ‘t’., it is not the last word. 

While I respect science as a discipline, of course, I see it as a tool to validate, but not to necessarily determine what one may personally know to be true.