The Confidence Doc

Emotional Intelligence: Personal Power Depends On It!

Emotional Intelligence is a rapidly expanding area of interest these days.  It really is not some great discovery.  I don't think that it is equivalent to rocket science in its complexity. 

Logic and common sense dictate that a person who is empathetic, adaptable and in touch with their own feelings are more likely to be successful in life.  What is interesting to me is how some of the researchers in this field seem to not quite practice what they "preach" in that there is much argument in the literature over territory rights as to who gets to define what and who is "right or wrong". 

I notice some researchers leading with their egos instead of their hearts.  That is one reason that I never liked academia in general.  The ego structure of many of the people in this arena is quite over-the-top and out of control. 

Of course, this does by no means implies that all academics function this way.  Thank goodness there are those who are courageous and committed enough, as well as wired to be able to withstand and tolerate the ego games that seem to be never ending. 

I personally prefer to let them fight and then study the information and come to my own conclusion and see what I can use of practical benefit.  You see, in reality, there is no black and white truth.  You cannot measure intelligence of any kind in a test tube, and the squabbling is yet another example of why we as a human race need to heal our minds and allow others the space for freedom of their expression. 

Self-Mastery: What You Give Your Attention to Determines Your Destination

Empowerment happens when you become aware of the importance your day-to-day choices.  Success and happiness is not a random event, it is not about “luck”.  My husband was watching the Ben Carson Story movie last night and it caused me to recall the phenomenal life that this world-renowned Pediatric Neurosurgeon has led. 

Dr. Carson grew up angry and poor in Detroit and except for an act of grace, could have had a very different life experience.  He had a very quick temper and one day, he reach for a knife to stab a friend who said something that he did not like and the knife struck the child’s belt buckle and broke. 

This startled young Ben so severely that it jolted him to pray to heal his anger. I can relate to this.  I too once had a destructive anger problem, and I am here to say that you can heal any self-limiting belief that you want to - if you really want to travel further in life, that is.

Dr. Carson has a mother who, though she only had a third grade education, she decided that she and her boys would not lead a life of blame and victimization.  Instead of allowing them to spend time in front of media all evening, she had her boys read two books a week and to write book reports.  She did this despite the fact that she could not read them through herself. 

Emotional Intelligence: Developing a Whole New You!

Emotional intelligence is emerging as yet another sign that change is no longer on the horizon – change has indeed arrived!  I personally like change, though admittedly, when it came to the area of career, I used to be too attached to predictability and stability. 

When I decided to be a physician many years ago, a part of my decision (remember, I was only 18 years old at the time) was based on choosing a career that was “safe”.  During those years, my confidence, and self-esteem for that matter, was not as healthy in those days. 

While I had strong “right-brain” talents, I suddenly decided that I would focus on my “left-brain” abilities since science and math acumen was prerequisite to becoming a doctor.  So, out the window for many years flew my artistic, musical and creative writing expressions.  I became immersed in the traditional logic, linear, critical mindset of the left hemisphere. 

Well, it served me well, and I did have a successful career, but even back then, I knew that in order to be a compassionate, and caring physician, it was important to call on my right-brain talents that carry the bulk of “emotional intelligence”. 

You see, people do not care how much you know, until they know how much you care. 

Mindfulness: A Practical Way to Build Mind Muscle

Mindfulness is something that I have put my focus on, so to speak with more intention this year.  I have been meditating for many years now. 

There are different forms and certainly, many misconceptions about meditation, but mindfulness in particular has attracted much attention in Neuroscience and brain research these days.  This is for good reason. 

I have without a doubt noticed an improvement in my ability to focus, my ability to stay present in the moment and an increased awareness of what others are feeling.  In other words, I am more attuned to the present moment. 

One thing about Science is that it can be helpful to validate information, but it can be harmful if one only depends on permission from science to trust their experience or even the experience of others that they have a close relationship with. 

Mindfulness is an ANCIENT practice, which used to be ridiculed by western science and was considered left field by society in general.  Even when I first started meditating ten years ago, I met resistance from my spouse, (fortunately, I make up my own mind about my own mind!) and did not generally discuss it with others because I did not want to bother with their judgmental attitudes. 

Confidence: Adaptability Leads to More of It

When confidence and self-esteem are healthy and highly functional, the ability to adapt to new challenges and different environments come fairly easily.  Fear of change is a major obstacle to personal empowerment. 

There are many reasons for this, and I will focus on fear related to the uncertainty of the dreaded ‘unknown’ in this post.  I find that even venturing into the new territory of Emotional Intelligence can be threatening or intimidating to some people, especially those who consider themselves highly rational or intellectual.

Emotion has been given a bad rap.  Did you know that the electromagnetic field of the heart is MULTIPLES times more powerful than the brains?  The fact that this is quantitatively so is a great reason in itself to understand your emotions and how they are driving your life. 

Though the heart is associated with emotion and feeling, actually it is a thought that first initiates the perception that triggers the emotional response that leads to the physiologic feeling.  Later a loop develops.

When we were children, adventure was fun and quite frankly, an obvious way to discover the world.  But due to all kinds of myths and social conditioning, the average person seems to feel threatened by almost everything new. When confidence and self-esteem grows, so does one’s courage. 

Emotional Intelligence 101: The Whole Brain Connection

Emotional Intelligence (EI) is attractive to me because not only does it practically apply the holistic approach to mental processing, it is a great way to develop skills that lead to more confidence. Remember, confidence is the belief in your ability to do something well or to act in a skillful or successful manner.

Integrating the whole brain skill sets obviously make sense to me, but unfortunately until now, the more relational, creative, empathic side of being human was subverted to the more individualistic, logical, self-centered approach. We need to have access to all of it in order to have the versatility to maneuver through life with grace and agility. 

The vast majority of the population is experiencing everything but ease in their every day life.

Emotional Intelligence: A Practical Way to Increase Confidence in the Workplace and Life

Emotional Intelligence, or EQ, is the new buzzword in personal development these days.  Actually, common sense, which is a part of EQ, is what told me a long time ago that these skills were a necessary part of success; it just was not formally addressed. 

What is interesting to me is the initial resistance I see in some people when it is being formally taught.  I think part of this is because of the use of the word ‘emotion’ which can have a variety of connotations for some people.  It is as though emotion is equated with ‘weakness’. 

Or another version I see is emotion being associated with the feminine in a negative way as in the old worn out saying ‘she plays ball like a boy’, implying that playing like a girl is not as polished.  Candace Parker, a leading lady in the WBA beat the guys once in a national slam-dunk tournament while in high school and she looks all woman to me! 

I say she plays like a woman who has great skill and athletic ability.  It is the same with EQ. 

More Confidence: A Benefit of Whole Brain Usage

Confidence can be defined as the belief or faith in one’s ability to perform a given task.  It can be a social interaction, such as speaking in front of a crowd, or a purely technical challenge, such as hitting a flawless golf game. 

Integrating and using the functions of both the right and left hemispheres of the brain can improve your confidence by increasing your likelihood of success in the workplace.  The future of workplace and career success, whether it is in the corporate world or as an entrepreneur, will depend on the ability to draw upon the functions of both the right and left sides of our brain.

Self Esteem and the Healthy Paradox of Wholeness

Self esteem and confidence development is a journey on the road to wholeness.  In a recent blog post, I discussed the practical applications of the right and left hemispheres. The video of Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor that I link in my April 26 blog post, is a great example of the different functions of these two areas of our brain.

Life is an integration of seeming paradoxes and opposites. Just because you don’t understand something at the time, does not mean there is not Truth in it for we really don’t know what we don’t know. 

The left hemisphere controls logic and is geared toward separation and control.  It is the engine that runs the sense of “I”, the individual.  The right hemisphere controls connectedness/relationship, creativity and cooperation. If you pay attention here, you can see that our society is dominated by the traits of the left hemisphere.

By the way, these ‘happen’ to be traditionally male traits.

It is important that we use logic, and self-determination and survival are certainly important, but if we ignore the creative, unifying and emotional aspects of ourselves, we will suffer and that is what I see all around me in the world today. 

Confidence and Intuition Go Hand in Hand - Trust Your Gut!

Confidence is developed by also trusting your intuition.  At some level, I've always known that I have a high level of intuition. 

In fact, because it was frowned upon many years ago, I was almost afraid of it.  I called it a 'sixth sense'. 

Well, now I am more than interested in developing it as much as possible.   When I was 17, I vividly remember having a clear warning, a feeling, not to go roller-skating late one night and I ignored it. It came so amazingly close to costing me not only my life, but also the lives of three of my girl friends.