The Confidence Doc

Managing Stress From the Inside Out

Stress seems to be ubiquitous these days, judging from how often I hear the word used.  I see people who look anxious and being “busy” is epidemic.  I no longer buy into the idea that being busy is a badge of honor or affirming to my self-worth.

In fact, it was not until I re-ordered my life and created more balance and time for myself and other things that are important to me, that I started to feel more self-acceptance.

For one thing, I was able to actually feel again, and get out of my head.  What a treat!  The issue though, is that first I had to free myself from the negative self-talk that was provoking the negative feelings that I was running away from in my busyness in the first place.

What most people do not realize,is that the negative self-talk going on in your head is contributing to your stress levels – and there is scientific evidence to prove this now. About ten years ago, I started meditating for many reasons, and one of them was specifically to slow down my busy mind.  I wanted to learn how to deal with and release the negative self-talk.  

Neuroscience: Thoughts, the Software of Your Mind

“Thoughts” can be metaphorically compared to the software downloaded from the “Mind Field”, and your brain as the “hard-drive” in computer language.  I love how humankind has unconsciously, or otherwise, created a whole technological revolution around a model of our own brain. 

I doubt, if a then 19 year-old Bill Gates when he founded Microsoft, realized this.  It is amazing just how similar our mind and brain work so in line with the model of computer software and hardware.  Now if you have noticed, there is a photo of the cover of this month’s Scientific American, (November 2008) posted with this blog. 

You can read more of what I am talking about here in this magazine.  Here is the story of how I “attracted” this issue last week at the airport.

I was visiting Palm Springs, California last weekend and I had dinner with two goods friend of mine.  We were discussing many ideas from Neuroscience and I began to explain my version of how our thoughts come from “The Field”. 

In some of my other posts, I have blogged about, “you are not your thoughts” and that “thoughts are things”.  Well, not long ago, I came across a neat and understandable definition of the mind when I was listening to the audio book by Daniel Siegel MD, entitled “The Neurobiology of We”. 

Dr. Siegel studies and is active in Neuroscience research.  A definition that sticks with me of the mind from this audio book is this: The mind is “the process of the regulation of energy and information”.  You see your mind and brain are “separate”, not one and the same as many people believe. 

Healthy Self-Esteem Lies Within You

Self-esteem that is healthy is an 'inside job'.  While outer work or 'doing' something can temporary give us a 'high' and elevate how we feel, it generally does not last long. 

Outer achievement will build your confidence to a degree, but your sense of self-worth, or self-esteem, must come from a deeper place within you if you want to be able to stand strong when people, situations and circumstances attempt to knock you off balance.  Here is one of my favorite quotes:

       "What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us"     
                                                                           -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I used to have a chronic sense of inner turmoil.  Sure, as I jumped over the hurdles of material achievement and collected degrees, more income or more possessions, I temporarily felt relief. 

Also, I lived in a state of mind that constantly judged and criticized my past so called 'mistakes' or I was constantly planning my future or worrying about it.  I was never enjoying my present.  This to me is what hell is.  It is mental torment. 

Whether or not there is a physical place of hell cannot be proven.  You can believe whatever you want to.  I just know that when people do not like themselves, they find fault with themselves and with others.  I know this even from my own experience and I see and witness this kind of behavior all the time. 

I see a lot of hell on earth these days, and until I started to develop my inner world by taking my focus off of what was going on around me, I felt at times that my life was a living hell also. And I might add that it was my own inner turmoil that was contributing to my outer world turmoil being witnessed. 

Self-Esteem: How Your Negative Self-Talk is Hurting Your Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is about self-respect and acceptance of your unique abilities.  It concerns issues of value, or self-worth.  We all have a reason for being here at this time and there really are no accidents. 

As I look around me I see change happening on so many levels.  I read something the other day that a poll was done that showed how many people are desperate for a sense of inner peace.  We are living in turbulent times…on the ‘outside’ that is. 

Your inner world is still under your own control.  The problem is, most people are unaware of this and their negative self-talk is their own worse enemy.  That voice in your head is not ‘the devil’ and you are not going crazy – unless you believe those lies! 

Negative self-talk comes from the world of ego, and a wounded ego thrives on fear.  Notice I said wounded.  We all have and need to have an ego to function as a human being.  The ego serves a purpose to give you a sense of separation (actually an illusion) and individual identity. 

Ego in Latin means ‘I’.  It’s just that it is the ‘false I’ instead of your true identity or your ‘True Self’. When the ego gets wounded, typically in early childhood, that ‘part of you’ the wounded child, gets stuck in a time warp and can cause havoc in your adult life. 

Mindfulness: A Practical Way to Build Mind Muscle

Mindfulness is something that I have put my focus on, so to speak with more intention this year.  I have been meditating for many years now. 

There are different forms and certainly, many misconceptions about meditation, but mindfulness in particular has attracted much attention in Neuroscience and brain research these days.  This is for good reason. 

I have without a doubt noticed an improvement in my ability to focus, my ability to stay present in the moment and an increased awareness of what others are feeling.  In other words, I am more attuned to the present moment. 

One thing about Science is that it can be helpful to validate information, but it can be harmful if one only depends on permission from science to trust their experience or even the experience of others that they have a close relationship with. 

Mindfulness is an ANCIENT practice, which used to be ridiculed by western science and was considered left field by society in general.  Even when I first started meditating ten years ago, I met resistance from my spouse, (fortunately, I make up my own mind about my own mind!) and did not generally discuss it with others because I did not want to bother with their judgmental attitudes. 

Developing Confidence: Eyesight or Insight?

Confidence is the often-overlooked major ingredient to a happy and successful life.  While we start out in life naturally confident, its further development depends on our environment to a great extent. 

I think it would be wonderful if we all were born into a world that perfectly nurtured and supported us, however, this is just not the way it happens here on planet Earth!  On the other hand, if life is a game, many of the challenges that we face can be viewed as obstacles that make the game more interesting. 

When I asked my 11-year old son what did he think about a video game that would simply allow him to go from start to finish without obstruction or a villain, he said, ‘Mom, that would be BORING!'  Well, as I think about it, this could apply to life as well. 

The question I ask is, when you think about developing your confidence, which is your belief in your self to accomplish a given goal or encounter, do you look around for evidence or do you turn within? 

Confidence: Don’t Think You Are Confident – BELIEVE IT!

“If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the Universe against me”

                                            -Ralph Waldo Emerson                        
                                          
Having confidence can make or break the outcome of your endeavors. Confidence is a feeling.  It is the faith that you will be able to carry out a new, unfamiliar task. 

Or, it could be that you are highly skilled at something so you are confident in your ability already.  I know I have confidence when I FEEL it, or when I BELIEVE it.  There is a difference between thinking or thought, and BELIEF. 

Belief is emotionalized thought.  If I don’t feel it, I don’t really own it.  This is where the rubber hits the road. 

Once when I was going to do a piano recital, I tried to think my way into confidence.  I practiced and I had it down, but I still had a gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach. 

This was before I really understood the value of mental rehearsal and getting into the feeling of my desire.  Understanding the difference between thought and belief is crucial in co-creating your experience.

Meditation: Mindfulness and It’s Benefits

Mindfulness meditation is giving insight into how to accomplish more confidence, self-esteem and peace of mind as a lifestyle.  What I am finding so interesting is that Oprah’s Webcast on Eckert Tolle’s book, ‘A New Earth, Finding Your Life Purpose’ comes at a time when Mindfulness meditation is being heavily studied by neuroscientists.  

I think this is really wonderful because it shows how spirituality and science is intersecting in many ways these days.  Tolle’s book provoked a lot of fear in religious fundamentalist who posted on the public forum that Oprah had created for the webcast. 

I say fear in that some of the posts were anything but loving.  People usually fear what they do not understand, nor have no intention of better understanding.  Of course, one obvious downside to have this kind of attitude is that you cannot grow. 

Some people’s mind’s are so closed you cannot pry it open with a crow bar and if you could you would still not be able to convince them to consider a new viewpoint.  Their loss! 

Mindfulness meditation can be looked at as a spiritual practice or, if you are adverse to this viewpoint, you can look at it strictly as a mental discipline.  Either way, the benefits are impressive. 

Meditation and Self-Image

Interest in meditation is on the rise and for good reason.  Personally, my interest in meditation goes well beyond the typical noteworthy benefits that include HAPPINESS, enhanced levels of awareness, focus, lowering of blood pressure and general well-being. 

In addition to these reasons, I find that it is a very important spiritual practice as well.  It has been my increasing understanding of my self as a Spiritual Being that has really made all the positive difference in my life as far as change and growth is concerned.

It is the area of self-image and personal growth that the practical application of meditation as a tool for personal empowerment and self-esteem development is of particular interest to me.