The Confidence Doc

Self-Esteem: Study Shows Positive Affirmations Hurts Low Self-Esteem

Self-esteem as a term can be ambiguous considering that it means many different things to different people.  Considering how many people tend to avoid discussing themselves relative to the term, I suspect there is general discomfort around this topic. 

I believe when there is a sense of shame, insecurity or embarrassment on the table, the topic usually gets pushed under the table.  This is one reason why people cannot grow in their confidence; they do not want to deal with discomfort. 

At Science Daily.com there is an article dated July 3, 2009, entitled “The Problem With Self-Help Books”.  According to this article, a research study printed in “Psychological Science” demonstrated that if a person had good, healthy self-esteem, affirmations could be useful. 

However, if someone with low self-esteem used such affirmations, for example “I am lovable” then it had the effect of aggravating their negative feelings.  This is plausible to me and is one reason why I advocate learning how thoughts, emotions and feeling are embedded in the body and how to deal with them as the energy that they are. 

If you really believe something, it becomes lodged in your body as cellular memory.  For example, belief is actually a thought that has the perception of truth behind it.  Once you perceive a thought about your self to be real, by definition it has the energy of feeling associated with it, otherwise it would have no effect on you. 

Confidence and Empowerment: Getting Beyond Survival Mentality

Confidence is not about acting a certain way; it is about being authentic.   It is the confidence to be self-actualized and to stop trying to be another copycat of some media image that you've been manipulated into seeking. 

This attempt to conform is really related to a deep-seated, unconscious belief in "survival of the fitness".  This is rooted in insecurity around safety and the need to be loved.  While is it human to want to feel love and security, it is a distortion to seek it first outside of yourself. 

You will not really ever transcend the search for security and love as long as you give your focus of power to people, places and things outside of yourself.  You must first love yourself in order to "find" the security and love that you need. 

I've learned this first hand.  I grew up, real or not, perceiving that I did not quite "fit in" into my environment on many levels.  While there was some factual examples of rejection going on in my world, being a child, the rejection felt almost life threatening.  The issue for me and all of us is that many of our decisions about "how life is" are based on the intellectual understanding and memory of a three-year-old! 

Personal Transformation: Rising Above Your Present Drama

Transformation literally means to rise above form, or transcend “form”.  Form is what you are seeing in your world at the moment.  And here is what I’ve discovered: what I see was formed by my perceptions. 

My perceptual system is unique to me in many ways.  My thoughts, emotions and feelings create the vision and energy that forms how I experience life.  I know that most people still believe that we are hapless victims of circumstances.  I used to. 

It has been so freeing to realize that this is just not the case.  While I cannot control everything in my world, I can control how I react to a great degree.  Here’s an as yet little known point that is powerful - how conscious are you to recognize that the physical world starts within the quantum field of all that is? 

In practical terms, everything is energy and then the invisible, tiny particles of waves and particles “gel” into form according to our consciousness.  While science shows there is no such thing as space and that the “observer” affects the movement of the quantum field, there is much controversy over “what is consciousness”? 

Self-Mastery: I Am Just Glad to Be Here

Confidence and self-mastery are certainly linked.  I mean by self-mastery, the ability to manage the ego sense of self, recognizing that it is not the real deal, the real me. 

I can go through life asleep and unconscious of my ability to co-create and thus suffer, or I can choose the empowered approach to creating my reality.  I can buy into those voices that say “thank God it’s Friday”, or I can say, “Thank God, I’m still here and life is good, no matter what is passing by right now”. 

At this moment, I’m just glad to be here. 

This and every moment is what I ultimately choose to make of it.  The role of the ego is varied, but you can for now, just think of it as the storyteller, that portion of the left, linear, logic brain, that is the mental construction of your identity.  It is a changeable character on the stage of life.  What role are you currently playing? 

It is fine to play these various roles as long as we are doing so consciously.  What do I mean by this? I can play doctor, lawyer, Indian chief, even “afraid”, as long as I am aware that these are merely experiences, they are not my true essence. 

My essence, that which abides at my core, is unchangeable, boundless, un-nameable and unlimited.  It is Spirit.  I am spirit, a part of Spirit, Life, all that is.  Now, since at the root of how I relate to life is “practical”, (meaning, if it is of no earthly use, I really have no real use for it), I want to make the point here that just talking about “spirit” and showing no fruit in my life doesn’t serve much purpose. 

Confidence and Self-Esteem Building from Cancer?

Confidence is built by taking action while self-esteem, strictly speaking, is about how you feel about yourself.  Self-esteem is related to your self-image. 

I read an article the other day from an online site www.newswise.com entitled “Cancer, a Silver-Lining?” dated June 22, 2009.  In it, Dr. Patricia Mumby from Loyola University medical center in Chicago was interviewed regarding the life-changing effects of cancer on the attitudes of the patient involved. 

While the initial response, understandably was of anxiety and shock, the patients who fared the best ultimately did so by changing their minds. 

“People who are going through cancer treatments have to face challenges head-on and when they are able to master them and move forward, that builds self-esteem. Coping and adapting to life stresses builds self-confidence,” said Mumby.

Once again, the insight applies regarding the fact that it is not what happens to you, but your RESPONSE that determines the outcome of your life.  I have “response-ability” and so do you.  We are not hapless victims of circumstance. We can use any circumstance to develop mental muscle and find the positive life lesson or treasure in the trial.

The Confidence to Let Your Light, and Life, Shine!

My confidence has grown and expanded over time.  Many times in life, and often at an early age, we experience situations and circumstances that seem to cause us to feel less than we are.  I say seem to cause because ultimately, it is not what happens to us but how we label what happens. 

We are all "storytellers".  What I mean is, when I was a young child, in my attempt to fit in, and this would include, family, friends and at school, I sometimes played smaller than I really wanted to.  I formed beliefs that made me feel "safe". 

For example, I use to go out of my way to keep my grades hidden from my friends in general because I did not want to appear to be an "egg head".  There are many examples of this, everything from how much money we make, where we live, what we drive etc etc. 

One of the problems with this is that it always overlaps into the subconscious.  From time to time, I still uncover habits that are linked to fear that encourages hiding my light.  This stems from old stories that was have told ourselves somewhere along life's journey. 

While this is not nearly as much of an issue now as it once was for me, one way that you can tell that you are still holding back is if you do not have the health, wealth, relationships, personal power or career that you really desire.  The Universe is not playing favorites. 

Empowerment and the Quantum Field

Empowerment, or power within is about self-mastery, not power over others.  The attempt to control our outer environment, including the people in it is a waste of time and energy in the long run.

We can try to change situations and circumstances, however, good luck if you think you can do this without changing your very self.  This is the problem with looking at confidence and self-esteem from a traditional vantage point. 

It is not about fixing someone else or manipulation our environment.  It is really about understanding more about yourself and the Universe in which you are living.  For example, most people think that the world we live in is solid material and the air around us is “empty space”. 

First of all, in reality, everything, and I do mean everything, is energy.  Even the sidewalk beneath your feet only seems solid, in reality, it is 99% space that contains the quantum particles that are arranged in such a way that to your five sense perception, it appears solid. 

There was an article in the New York Times Science section on Friday June 12, 2009 written by John Tierny that discussed the “Physics of Nothing” click here .  In summary the article refers to the fact that science now knows that we are really in a sea of surrounding energy.  We are like the fish in the ocean that is not aware that it is surrounded by water. 

Core Confidence: True Creativity Requires Authenticity!

Confidence and empowerment is about acting from your center, the courage to be YOU.  In order to be truly creative, you have to walk off of the beaten path.  Otherwise your life is just a copycat of the next person. 

You are a unique expression of Divine Love.   There is no one like you and this is a great thing.  I am a gardener and I can imagine how boring my garden would look if it only contained one type of flower. 

Gone would be the explosive, colorful array of violets, reds, yellows and various shades of pink.  It would look all the same!  Again, how boring is that? 

Then why is it us humans, want to look and act like the next person.  It seems that most people want to be everyone but himself or herself!  Why is this? 

I say it is purely due to conditioning and the fact that our nervous systems are wired to survive and we have as a whole bought into the belief that conformity is synonymous with safety.  Granted, at one time in our evolution there was truth to this. 

Confidence and Inner Peace

Core Confidence is a doorway to inner peace.  When you are able to stay centered despite what is going on around you, you will be able to hold a sense of calm in the storms of life.  These storms can be small sprinkles or turbulent thunderstorms. 

They can arrive in your spiritual, social or financial life.  It is not if the storms will come, but when.  As I have expanded and grown internally, in my consciousness, I notice that yes, there is less apparent drama and chaos. 

Since our perception determines our reality and what we focus on expands, elevating your consciousness does help you to transcend many situations and circumstances that may tend to pull you down. 

However, as long as you are on planet Earth, challenges will arise, even if trivial.  And it is interesting to see how these challenges even arise in the lives of our pets.  In my life for example, yesterday began with my becoming aware that there was a problem with my website.  I’ll spare the details, but essentially I used 2-3 hours getting to a point of having it handled and it still has to be fixed hopefully today. 

Confidence: Our Changing Times and Career Transition

Confidence as a survival skill is being called upon in our changing world in more ways than one.  With all of the change in the work place, it is estimated that the largest area of job growth will be in the arena of small business and entrepreneurship. 

I have always been an entrepreneur for my entire adult career and I can tell you that it will either build your confidence, or you will ultimately sink. It does not matter what your IQ is. 

In fact, I’ve seen people with highly respected PhDs and MDs freeze like a doe in the headlight when it comes to getting out into the “real world” on their own and leaving behind the predictable world of academia or corporate America. 

I recently heard that the dental department at the University of Chicago shut down and released all of their staff to the wind.  They will have to either find new jobs, or start a new business or change professions.  Either way, it will be a scary proposition if change is not easily dealt with. 

Change can certainly be scary, but the key is not to run from the fear.  Feel the fear and “do it anyway”.  Granted this pep talk can be easier said than done.  However, by learning new information on how your mind and brain really works, getting coaching and using tools that help you to release the negative conditioning that keeps you boxed in and playing small, you can rise to the occasion of our changing times.