The Confidence Doc

Empowerment: To Forgive or Not to Forgive – That is the Question!

Empowerment is so elusive for so many people because they do not understand principles are at work all the time – whether you believe it or not!  Take the Law of Gravity.  You can say you do not believe in the Law, or that you think whatever it is that you think about the law – it does not matter because the bottom line is, if you jump off of your roof, you are going down! 

I read an interesting discussion somewhere this week that discussed the issue of forgiveness.  In summary, the author was asking the question about whether forgiving someone is necessary or really valid.  On the table was also the issue of whether or not forgiveness is even possible.  I had the sense that the perspective was, as it is so often, that forgiveness was for the perpetrator, versus the “victim”. 

This issue about who is forgiveness for is the point of confusion that leads to the downfall of so many people.  Forgiveness as a benefit is NOT for the perpetrator – it is for the person who feels wronged!  “What?” you may ask.  “How so”? 

Empowerment and the Confidence to Be YOU!

Empowerment will ultimately lead to transformation.  Out of the ashes of your life, you can find beauty. 

Confidence is a side effect of being true to your Self – your True Self, that is.  Confidence comes when you can heal the mis-perceptions of your identity, when you can open the door and let your inner splendor, your light emerge.

  "You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing that goodness to emerge" ~Eckhart Tolle

You cannot build true confidence by acting a certain way, wearing designer suits or obtaining three PhDs.  These are external measures of success and are relative.  If you are comparing your worth based on what others say, your confidence will be about as stable as a boulder sitting on the edge of a cliff. 

It generally does not take much to push you over the edge into insecurity.  In fact, advertisers and media are betting on the side of your insecurity. 

You will never be "good enough" as long as you compare yourself to some fluctuating external value.  It is this focusing of our attention on what we are taught to call “flaws” or made to feel ashamed of as children, that causes most people a lifetime of hiding in the dark instead of shining. 

There is only one original you, so why are you so desperately trying to look and act like a copy of someone else?  And who is this “someone else” that gets to set the gold standard?  Do you see how futile this game is?  You cannot possibly win with rules like this.

Money Matters: The Confidence To Be Abundant!

Confidence is a quality that empowers you to develop your authentic self.  If you need the approval of others to feel good about yourself, or if you need permission from others to follow your dreams you are not going to live an abundant life. 

I believe that the abundant life is available to anyone who sets the intention to live it and then proceeds to deal with the blind spots in their life that hold them back from living it.  This is the challenging part, as most people “want their cake and eat it too”, meaning, they want the results without giving up something for it. 

If you want to grow and expand, what you generally have to give up are your old habits and limiting beliefs that keep you playing small.  This can be quite uncomfortable. 

What is an abundant life?  This is a subjective question.  What abundance means for me may be quite different for you.  The key is to get in touch with your unique vision and gifts and proceed from there.  Some people want to travel, and are attracted to material beauty.  I can relate to this. 

Core confidence: Feeling Like An Outsider Can Make You Go Inside!

Core confidence building is a journey.   I stumbled upon this concept on my road to finding Self.  At a very young age, I felt that I did not fit in well into my primary family.

A part of it had to do with birth order, but most of it had to do with my difficulty conforming to the status quo and asking “too many questions”.  I grew up in a family that preferred that the boat not be rocked...too uncomfortable. 

Well, I have never been one who could tolerate constriction for long.  In the beginning, I attempted to fit in, but once I had the “aha” that I could really not belong and still search for meaning in life – that I could only be accepted if I gave up my need to seek expansion and blend into the woodwork – I rebelled. 

I decided that it would not profit me to gain approval and lose my soul.  So, I really started getting the royal boot, so to speak.  This rejection actually was one of the best things that could have happened to me in hindsight, as it caused me to come face to face with loneliness and not belonging to a core group. 

It forced me into sink or swim and, you guessed it – I swam! 

Self-Esteem: Which Self Are You Talking About?

Self-esteem is a word that is very ambiguous and abused so it always needs clarifying or put into context when using the word.  It occurs to me that since it is virtually always referring to the ego sense of self, it is no wonder it is so confusing. 

Esteem, of course means “respect and admiration”.  If you believe that your identity is what you are thinking about “self” or if you are defining your “self” in terms of what others say about you, it is no wonder that there is so much chaos and confusion. Let me explain.

We are living in a time of great change…it is in the air.  Not only does it look like the rug is being pulled from under the financial, workplace and housing markets, but there even appears to be unrest in people in general.  It seems to me that people are starting to ask deeper questions and want more meaning and happiness in their lives. 

There seems to be extreme energies out there - extreme chaos and ignorance and extreme light shining and energy to do service and to help the earth.  Well, I believe we are at a crossroads, a shift in the consciousness and evolution of the human race. 

While some people are doomsayers and think that it is the end of the world coming, I think it is just the end of the world as we have known it - which is a good thing.  It is time to stop living in fear, lack, disease and clinging to a survival attitude and it is time to thrive and live your purpose. 

The fact that people have to argue over whether or not it is “good” to have healthy self-esteem or not shows how small we have been conditioned to think.  Really now, why should anybody have to feel that it is “bad” to like themselves?  What is so wrong with loving yourself and feeling worthy of health, wealth and happy relationships?  The real issue is we think are “only human”. 

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness – Look Inside

Happiness is something that seems to be out of reach these days for many people as I watch the headlines go by while I am online during the day.  If I believed that life had to be as bleak as some of those headlines I would be depressed also. 

It seems that stress and depression is epidemic these days.  In talking to two family members, they are aware to two instances of suicide that touched their lives indirectly in the past two weeks. 

I believe, and this is my personal experience as well, that as long as you look outside of yourself for happiness and for “the answers”, you are at risk of perpetual dissatisfaction and turmoil.  If I paid attention to some of those headlines going by, and really believed that they told an accurate view of “reality”, I would probably be depressed also. 

Your “reality” will depend on what you perceive based on what you give your attention to.  I am happier about my life now than I have ever been at any time in my life.  I used to get sucked into the doom and gloom stories, and all of the drama that can go on in relationships.  But one day, I finally woke up and realized the truth to what Abraham Lincoln once said:

              “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be”

I made up my mind that I was going to pull myself out of the negative mindset that I use to have and one of the first things I became of aware of is the impact of who I was spending time with and what I was focusing on. 

Confidence Building is an Inside Job

Confidence building is truly an “inside job”.  It is time for us to wake up as humanity and realize this.  As long as we keep waiting for others to tell us who we are, what we can accomplish in life, and whether or not we are worthy, we will continue to play it safe, which means to play small. 

Our new president, Barack Obama, cast aside all of the naysayers and went for his dream, his purpose, his mission.  His personal power and his confidence is a shining example to us all of what we are capable of.  He is not unique.  He has a unique purpose and gifts, but his ability to raise his confidence is not unique. 

We are all wired, at a spiritual level to be able to step up to a higher level of being that will lead us to our dream.  I have never had a desire to be the president.  I have leadership ability and gifts, but my purpose is not the same as his.  You too have a purpose.  Everyone does. 

But until you start to master the belief that you are “not enough”, or that you are powerless, which is really a conditioned belief, you will continue to go through life stressed out and living in a chronic state of fear and competition. 

Your focus has to be within because your inner world of thought creates your outer world of experience.  What you think and feel creates your "reality".  This is now even science. 

Low Self-Esteem: Healing Belief

Low self-esteem, as everything else in life, is rooted in belief.  As the ancient wisdom goes, “be it unto you as you believe”. 

My purpose here is not to tell you what to believe.  My message is to help you to understand that belief can change according to your consciousness or level of awareness.  The issue is, what you truly believe will determine your quality of life.  This includes your health, spirituality, finances and relationships. 

The challenge is that as a whole, we are conditioned to believe ideas that do not serve our greatest good.  We are often taught, ignorantly and unintentionally, to think less of each other, and ourselves as if this is a saintly quality.  It does not serve you to play small.  These are beliefs, they are not who you are. 

They are thoughts that you have identified with as being a part of yourself, when in reality, they are more like software programs that you have allowed to be “downloaded” into your subconscious long-term memory.  Many of these beliefs developed as a young child when you did not have developed logic, but now you are certainly responsible for your choices. 

Once I understood that I am not my thought, that thoughts were vibratory “things” and I had the choice to accept or reject them, my life truly started to expand and change for the better.  I have learned tools and processes to make this change much easier than when I first realized this truth for myself. 

The most powerful key to this was when I began to realize that not only was I a spiritual being, but that my identification and connection to this aspect of who I AM was the source of all healing and life.  As the realization becomes deeper, health is more the norm than the exception, good relationships are becoming the rule and finances are more abundant.

As my old, dysfunctional beliefs about life and myself are identified and healed, so has the sense of low-self esteem and judging of self and others.  Here is a short video clip by Larry Dossey MD discussing the power of healing when understood at the level of your connection to your Infinite Spirit.  Low self-esteem can be healed, as you change your beliefs!

Practical Enlightenment: Are You A Pessi-Mystic Or An Opti-Mystic?

Practicality may as well be my middle name.  If I cannot apply it to my everyday life, I have no use for the information.  I was never happy with beliefs that were so “heavenly bound” that they were of no earthly good to me now.

I am of the school, that my life on earth is a reflection of my level of consciousness, be it heavenly of hellish!  Religion is personal and culturally based.  I believe that this great planet and Universe of ours is big enough to allow me my beliefs and your beliefs to live together in co-existence. 

It is the egoic need to make everything “right of wrong” that starts wars.  Happiness and peace has to start within, as does “seeing the light”.  In looking up a formal definition for enlightenment, I found its association with spirituality and religion, history, the arts, literature – why it is all over the map. 

Some synonyms are, insight, illumination, wisdom, knowledge, and understanding – just to name a few.  If you look at the word itself “en” as a prefix means within and light means, well, light!  So let’s simply say “light within”. 

I have been noticing a real increase in the use of the word “consciousness” and “enlightenment” these days.  Interest in spirituality is also increasing.  For me, this is all great, however, keeping it real and practical is important to me.  “Woo-woo” does not work. 

Regardless of what you believe about life and God, what does it do for you in terms of raising your quality of life here and now?  Does it help you to love others more, care for nature and the environment, inspire others to their highest potential?   Are you an “Opti-Mystic” or a “Pessi-Mystic”?  Get it? 

Gratitude: The Happiness Magnet

Gratitude is something that has really been on my mind lately.  Today being Thanksgiving is a way to nationally celebrate this gift of gratitude though I am setting my intention NOW, to make it a daily, conscious habit. 

I know how powerful it is as it has had a profound effect on my life to this point.  Yet, to be honest, I have not cultivated this very obvious spiritual gift as much as I could. 

I believe that it takes conscious choice, at least until one forms a definite habit of it, to see the bounty of things to be grateful for in one’s life.  It is all to easy to get snagged on what is “wrong” with the world as this is the dominant form of news that gets perpetuated both online and off.  It takes conscious effort, clarity of heart and mind, to stay focused on what is “right” about life. 

In reality, it is all good.  What you see before you, what shows up in your life is but a reflection of your own perspective, or creation.  What I mean by this is that HOW you see what is before you determines your actions and thus experiences. 

Before you say, “I can’t help how I feel”, or that you are a victim of your negative perspective, try reading the book “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Dr. Victor Frankl.  He is a person who went through more brutality in Nazi death camps than I will probably ever even come close to, even in a time of world war, Heaven forbid.  Yet, he said one very powerful key that gave him the serenity and peace which attracted to him a safe journey out of his hellish experience and that was this:

     He realized that he had the ability to maintain “the last of human freedoms” – the ability to “choose one’s attitude in a given set of circumstances”

Even though “all hell” was breaking loose in his physical world and he had lost everything, he chose to not “lose his mind” by deciding, from the heart, to stop resisting and hating his circumstances.  He found something to be grateful for.  I believe that this is why he lived to tell his story.