The Confidence Doc

Emotional Intelligence: Developing a Whole New You!

Emotional intelligence is emerging as yet another sign that change is no longer on the horizon – change has indeed arrived!  I personally like change, though admittedly, when it came to the area of career, I used to be too attached to predictability and stability. 

When I decided to be a physician many years ago, a part of my decision (remember, I was only 18 years old at the time) was based on choosing a career that was “safe”.  During those years, my confidence, and self-esteem for that matter, was not as healthy in those days. 

While I had strong “right-brain” talents, I suddenly decided that I would focus on my “left-brain” abilities since science and math acumen was prerequisite to becoming a doctor.  So, out the window for many years flew my artistic, musical and creative writing expressions.  I became immersed in the traditional logic, linear, critical mindset of the left hemisphere. 

Well, it served me well, and I did have a successful career, but even back then, I knew that in order to be a compassionate, and caring physician, it was important to call on my right-brain talents that carry the bulk of “emotional intelligence”. 

You see, people do not care how much you know, until they know how much you care. 

Developing Confidence: How to Get Lucky

Confidence is something that does not just happen for most people.  Again, if the fear of public speaking is the most dreaded of all things to do, you can deny it until you are blue in the face, confidence is lacking in most Americans.

There is an article in the February 2009 Oprah Magazine called “How to Get Lucky” which tells the story of a cognitive psychologist’s journey to changing her introverted, self-absorbed personality to one that was more extroverted and happy intentionally.

The article shows how you can make the changes you desire intentionally, for it is not about luck.  I find it interesting how many people often think that others are “lucky” when they lead lives that appear happy or exciting and prosperous.  I used to think this way at one time until I woke up. 

There is no such thing as “luck”, Grace perhaps, luck, no.  I like the definition that luck is where preparation meets opportunity.  That luck is a combination of inspiration and perspiration.  In the article, a story is given of how a cognitive psychologist practiced visualization to create change in her life. 

Confidence: Fear of Public Speaking Number one Fear

Confidence is the belief in your ability to perform.  It plays a powerful role in your ability to be successful at your endeavors. 

I have been able to find the courage to accomplish my goals in the past even when I felt insecure by sheer will power, but it was not a fun journey and when the destination is reached, self-sabotage is always a looming threat.

 I find it interesting that the fear of public speaking beats out the fear of flying and even death on surveys taken by Americans.  I find that striking.  Why would anyone fear public speaking more than death? 

I believe the answer lies in the hidden, buried shame that so many people feel lurking about inside of them.  The sad thing is, these feelings of shame are nothing but ego judgments that are based in stories that we are told ourselves about ourselves.

Often, these judgments come for what we accept from the opinions of others also.  They are commonly deposited into our subconscious awareness at a very young age, and we are usually not aware of it until a button is pushed.  Speaking in public is a common button pusher for many people. 

Standing in front of others and listening to all of the negative self-talk in your head about being criticized and judged is usually too much to bear.  I recall when I was in middle school I ran for school wide office and I had to do a lot of public speaking. 

Admittedly, it was around this time that I lost my inner self-esteem from problems I was having at home, more than anything, but I did it anyway.  I felt the fear, and I did it anyway, and won the office by a landslide.  Even back then, I found it fascinating that I would be afraid to speak in front of others. 

Afraid of what? 

Neuroscience: Mind Reading Is No Longer Sci-Fi

Neuroscience is a field whose time has come.  I so appreciate my science background in this area as it complements my interest in building confidence from the inside out.  At the end of this post is a 13 minutes video from yesterday’s episode of 60 minutes on Neuroscience and Mind Reading.  No joke.

I do not see myself as intellect only.  I am spirit, soul and body. Science cannot answer many of the deeper questions of life such as who am I really?  Why am I here?  What is the meaning to life?  But science can give some assistance along the way. 

I am using it when possible to better explain how our minds work so that changes to old habitual negative thinking patterns can be done easier.  Having some science helps our intellectual mind to better understand the “why” behind some things, and it also helps to quiet the fear centers of our brain from signaling off when we encounter new information that conflicts with our old paradigms or beliefs. 

Some of the things that are being discussed today in science only a couple of years ago would have been called “woo-woo” or spooky by many that are now actually paying attention.  I even read today in my local newspaper that there is a church that I am familiar with, who traditionally is quite conservative, now uses visualization as a tool for the congregation to take a new direction for the church’s future. 

Actually, science has known for many years the power of properly done visualization on the subconscious mind, but I noticed that in general it was considered on the outskirts of normal.  Now, gratefully this is changing. 

I am seeing and sensing that there is a much greater purpose behind all of the turmoil going on in the world today.  It looks more like birthing pains to me rather than just another cycle of business as usual.  In order to grow to the next level, we need to access and apply new information. 

Growing Confidence: Happy New You!

It takes confidence to boldly move forward with new goals and plans.  It is easy to talk about it and every New Year brings a sense of new possibilities and with it excitement. 

In order to get a different result, however, we have to think, feel and act differently than what we have been thinking, feeling and acting.  If you keep doing the same old thing, you will keep getting the same old results. 

I find that most people are unaware of the powerful role of self-esteem in determining the quality of their lives.  Your level of self-respect, your self-concept and self-confidence determines everything from the quality of your relationships, to your health and finances. 

And, unfortunately, most people are not even consciously aware of all of the negative self-talk and negative media messages that intrude upon their minds every single day.  If someone talked about you the way you criticize yourself, you would probably be offended or would avoid his or her company. 

Yet, we typically allow the verbal abuse of negative self-talk to go on and on without censorship.  The only way to stop this vicious cycle that is a major contributor to sabotaging your life is to become consciously aware of your thoughts and to understand that your level of self-esteem and confidence is simply based upon what thoughts you choose to believe about yourself.  And it really is ultimately a choice.

This morning I came across an old book of mine written by an eminent psychologist who is known for his books on self-esteem. His name is Nathaniel Branden and these quotes are taken from his book “How To Raise Your Self-Esteem”. 

Here are a couple of quotes from Dr. Branden; he says, “Thus self-esteem is the key to success or failure.  It is also the key to understanding ourselves and others.”  “…I cannot think of a single psychological difficulty…that is not traceable to poor self-esteem.  Positive self-esteem is a cardinal requirement of a fulfilling life”. 

Personal Empowerment: Getting Real… What is Your Reality?

Personal empowerment or having the confidence and resources to live a life that allows you to live your purpose and that is abundant and fulfilling to you, is determined ultimately by what you think and feel. 

Unfortunately, most people generally believe that they are victims of circumstances.  I used to feel this way myself.  I bless the day though when I finally woke up and realized that I was responsible for my present set of circumstances because of choices that I had made either consciously or unconsciously. 

For me, while it felt embarrassing to a degree, because you see at that time I was not happy with what I was seeing, it also felt very empowering.  I realized that if I created the mess, I could also clean it up. 

The key was a willingness to be open to new ideas and information and to then take the necessary action required to manifest the new results.  As Einstein said:

            “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it”

In order to get a different result in your life, you must first change the way you THINK!  It is the way that you think and feel that leads to the actions that you take.  Your life is built by a series of choices not chances. 

Building Confidence Is As Easy As ABC

Confidence building is the foundation to creativity and lasting success.  If you are insecure and afraid to take chances, chances are you will find yourself stuck in a rut by the time you are a young adult.  It does not take long. 

If you are in the typical “survival” mode, you will focus on playing it safe, which usually translates as, well, boring.  This is a mindset and it is an unconscious one at that. 

You have a gift and a purpose.  This does not have to be a grand “save the world” purpose, but every purpose is important and significant in its own right and it contributes to the whole of humankind.  This is one reason why developing confidence is so important. 

If you feel inadequate, don’t trust yourself or are overly concerned about the opinions of others, you will block your creativity.  Creativity is fresh, new (or a variation of what exists) and you will have to have confidence to face the doubts and sometimes negative viewpoints of others, especially if your idea is visionary in nature. 

You will back down ultimately and to your own detriment without a good sense of self and the willingness to develop your confidence.  The road to begin to build confidence, as is self-esteem, is to begin from the “inside out”. 

First of all, learning how to break free from thinking patterns that did not originate with you, but were handed down from all sorts of places is vital. We are full of unconscious beliefs that are really just hand-me-downs that we have taken as the Truth of life for all eternity. 

Self-Confidence: Changing Self-Image Begins With the End in Mind

Your self-confidence or how you feel about your ability to perform, contributes to your self-image.  Self-image is literally a picture or image of how you "see yourself".  It is unconscious of course, or out of your awareness. 

What I mean by the "end in mind" is that  the mind thinks in pictures and if you want to create results without undue struggle, you need a clear picture of where you want to go.  Even changing your level of self-confidence is related to this concept.  

When I wanted to feel more confident in my learning to public speak for example, one exercise that I did was to do “mental rehearsal” about how I would perform for the talk I was going to give.  You cannot just see yourself as in the mental movie; you also have to “put yourself into the vision”.  This is a part of how to do visualization. 

I found an interesting articles yesterday on how Oprah was interviewed on a NYC radio station this week and she was quoted as saying that she put the gown on her vision board in February and kept her attention focused on her intention to wear this gown to president-elect Obama’s inauguration.  Well, apparently I am not the only one who is getting results with my vision boards! 

Actually, there is evidence from Neuroscience that explains this process in that what you put your attention on affects the energy (thought field energy) in the Field to help in “creating” what you visualize, and even more practically, you impact your wiring to help you to screen in/out what you need to in order to perceive the information you need to attract what you are believing for. 

Self-Esteem: When I Recognized the Signpost, I Changed My Destination

Self Esteem is one of the most poorly understood topics out here I am finding.  This comes as no surprise as many years ago, I was just as confused as to how important self-esteem was to my life as anyone else. 

A part of the problem is that many of the behaviors that we demonstrate routinely are assumed to be “just the way life is”.  Actually, many of our dysfunctional behaviors are rooted in feelings of low self-worth. 

Here are some examples of low self-esteem; gossiping about others, feeling inferior to other, feeling superior to others (healthy self-esteem does not have to pretend one person is superior to another; we all have intrinsic worth), envy, greed, jealousy, fear of getting out of your comfort zone, poor self-care, poor relationships and constant drama – and this list is only the beginning. 

The point is, these behaviors are often considered to just be the way life is, for most people.  Actually, the way you feel about yourself will be reflected in your life experience.  I use to regularly experience practically everything in this list in one form or another until I connected the dot between my self-esteem and these experiences.  As Wayne Dyer said:

    “When you change the way you look at things…the things you look at change”

Self-Image: The Picture of Your Life

Self-Image.  Look at the word closely.  Think about it.  It is the image of your ‘self’.  Now, your self-image is usually out of your conscious awareness.  It is usually unconscious or the same thing, subconscious.

The way you can see what your image of self is, is by observing how your life is playing out.  What we see manifesting with our eyes is simply the out-picturing of what is going on in your inner world of belief about ourselves.

The people, place we spend time, our places of employment, our bank accounts – are all reflections of our own self-image.  This may be good news for some people and not so good for others.  It will depend on what you judge as ‘good’ and ‘not good’ because it is all relative.

The key here is to first begin to realize, if you do not already, that what you think about, you bring about.  What you see in your mind’s eye, with belief, you will ultimately see with your physical eyes.  The characters and geographic location may vary, but the theme will be the same.