The Confidence Doc

Law of Attraction: NOW is Your Point of Power

Law of attraction is a hot topic these days.  I remember the first time I heard of it which was about ten years ago; I thought it was “woo-woo” and spooky. 

It was unfamiliar to me, and I did not really want to “go there”.  However, since I was seriously searching for some answers regarding the “secrets of the Universe”, eventually, I kept finding more and more information on the topic and I begin to become conscious of the connection between my thoughts, feelings and actions and what was showing up in my life. 

I started to notice that what I thought, how I felt, what I said and what I did lead to a given outcome, whether I wanted it, or NOT!  You see, it is not whether you want it; it is all about the “vibe”.  Feelings play a huge role in the process. 

What you put out to the Universe in terms of your energy via thoughts and feelings, will return to you for Life is a mirror.  It reflects back to you what you really believe, especially at an unconscious level! Your thoughts and feelings will determine what your brain notices and what actions you will ultimately take. 

In fact, belief is really “emotionalized thought”! What you feel NOW is energizing what you are choosing to focus on and what you focus on strengthens the associated thoughts and feelings.  It becomes a feedback loop.

Self-Mastery: I Am Just Glad to Be Here

Confidence and self-mastery are certainly linked.  I mean by self-mastery, the ability to manage the ego sense of self, recognizing that it is not the real deal, the real me. 

I can go through life asleep and unconscious of my ability to co-create and thus suffer, or I can choose the empowered approach to creating my reality.  I can buy into those voices that say “thank God it’s Friday”, or I can say, “Thank God, I’m still here and life is good, no matter what is passing by right now”. 

At this moment, I’m just glad to be here. 

This and every moment is what I ultimately choose to make of it.  The role of the ego is varied, but you can for now, just think of it as the storyteller, that portion of the left, linear, logic brain, that is the mental construction of your identity.  It is a changeable character on the stage of life.  What role are you currently playing? 

It is fine to play these various roles as long as we are doing so consciously.  What do I mean by this? I can play doctor, lawyer, Indian chief, even “afraid”, as long as I am aware that these are merely experiences, they are not my true essence. 

My essence, that which abides at my core, is unchangeable, boundless, un-nameable and unlimited.  It is Spirit.  I am spirit, a part of Spirit, Life, all that is.  Now, since at the root of how I relate to life is “practical”, (meaning, if it is of no earthly use, I really have no real use for it), I want to make the point here that just talking about “spirit” and showing no fruit in my life doesn’t serve much purpose. 

Confidence: Our Changing Times and Career Transition

Confidence as a survival skill is being called upon in our changing world in more ways than one.  With all of the change in the work place, it is estimated that the largest area of job growth will be in the arena of small business and entrepreneurship. 

I have always been an entrepreneur for my entire adult career and I can tell you that it will either build your confidence, or you will ultimately sink. It does not matter what your IQ is. 

In fact, I’ve seen people with highly respected PhDs and MDs freeze like a doe in the headlight when it comes to getting out into the “real world” on their own and leaving behind the predictable world of academia or corporate America. 

I recently heard that the dental department at the University of Chicago shut down and released all of their staff to the wind.  They will have to either find new jobs, or start a new business or change professions.  Either way, it will be a scary proposition if change is not easily dealt with. 

Change can certainly be scary, but the key is not to run from the fear.  Feel the fear and “do it anyway”.  Granted this pep talk can be easier said than done.  However, by learning new information on how your mind and brain really works, getting coaching and using tools that help you to release the negative conditioning that keeps you boxed in and playing small, you can rise to the occasion of our changing times. 

Confidence: How Clear Is Your Vision?

Confidence and clarity are essential to living your vision and likewise if you have no vision, there is a great chance that you will not feel clear or confident about your life.

Confidence, clarity and vision are inter-related in many ways. 

As I have gained clarity around my life purpose, my vision for how to move forward becomes clear.  AS the saying goes, “if you don’t have a dream, how are you going to make a dream come true”? 

The more on purpose I feel, the more confident I become in making decisions and knowing what activities to participate in and which ones to let go.  This helps me to free up my energy and de-clutter my life.  As an ex-eye surgeon, I see many parallels and metaphors between life and eyesight, how we see the world. 

When a patient had poor vision and could not see clearly, their life generally was more difficult to manage and navigate.  They were not as confident as they went out into the world, and they had difficulty knowing where they were going. 

Needless to say, they were not as confident as they could have been if their vision had been clear and understandably so.  Well, in our lives, here is a parallel. 

Core Confidence: Getting In the Flow

When confidence comes from your core, you can get into the flow of life instead of living in the space of hard work and struggle.  When you start from within, your outer experience can come from the place of Grace; you can flow with ease and creativity.

I use to be very driven and totally goal focus.  I could not enjoy my journey.  My motto was “whether or not I feel like it is beside the point, - just get it done”.  My body of course was pushed to the max in those days. 

I am extremely fortunate to still be in excellent health, as this is not the norm.  Most people do not realize how much of a negative impact stress has on the health of the body.  In fact, some estimates say that 85% of chronic disease is related to stress. 

Well, guess what.  In case you do not already know, stress begins with thought.  Its source is not outside of you; it is inside of you.  That is why I talk about managing stress from the “inside out”.  Stress begins with thought, and thought is controllable. 

Empowerment: Attitude Determines Outcome

Success in life is determined not so much by what happens to you but how you deal with what comes your way.  I went to see the movie “Slumdog Millionaire this weekend.  I found it to be an emotional rollercoaster, heavy on the downer side. 

I thought that it contained many deeper messages that dealt with empowerment.  The main character Jamal, had many challenges to overcome, but he used the difficulties of his life to his benefit when he found himself on a game show that was symbolic of his way out of a life full of tragedy. 

He was able to use the experiences which seemed at the time horrible, and take the information gained to use it for his good in his present situation.  I thought it was a very good lesson on how our attitude, our ability to let go of a sense of victimization and instead stay present to opportunity, can determine the outcome of our life. 

If he had become angry and bitter, chances are not only would he not have found himself in a situation to move to a higher quality of life, but his bitterness could have lead him to make choices that would have gotten him in the same trouble as some of the other characters in the movie. 

Our attitude really will determine our altitude. 

Self-Mastery 101: Some Practical Tips

 Self-mastery, mastery over the ego sense of self, I have found is partially developed by consciously building upon four fundamental areas - self-acceptance, assertiveness, self-responsibility and integrity. 

(Photo Britannica.com)

Unconsciously, I went through these stages in developing a stronger sense of self worth, and I notice that these traits are a part of what I see commentators in the media making note of in President Barack Obama.  This week’s Newsweek magazine, March 2, 2009 has a story called “The Confidence Game” and the cover story is on Obama. 

In the story, Obama is quoted as having to face his pain of feeling alone and I have read other articles and his books where it is apparent that he does a lot of self-reflection.  This is all a part of the first area, self-acceptance. 

On assertiveness, as an example I came across this quote today from Lawrence Chickering, “Thoughts on Obama’s Style ” February 25, 2009, examiner.com,

“It evokes the enormous self-confidence that many commentators have observed in him. The Presidential (traditional) style sends a message that the speaker needs the listener to be persuaded-to agree with him. This style, which suggests that the speaker needs followers, sends a silent message of a lack of self-confidence-in sharp contrast to Obama's strong self-confidence that comes his implicit indifference to whether he is persuasive: he sends the message that he just knows. His style is hugely comforting, especially in troubled times-which we are certainly in now”.

In other words, he speaks his truth instead of orchestrating his words to please others.  This naturally develops the area of integrity, which is also one of the four areas. 

The Gratitude Attitude: How to Get Happy

Happiness, according to a survey done by Tom W. Smith of the University of Chicago’s National Opinion research Center, is at its lowest levels since 1972.  According to this survey, 14 percent of Americans are “not too happy”. 

Considering some of the statistics I come across, 14 percent would be lower than expected.  In a study from 2007 by the US department Center of Disease Control, it was estimated that out of the 2.4 BILLION drugs prescribed, 118 million were for anti-depressants, followed by 113 million for high blood pressure (a sign of life under pressure). 

In searching the Internet, I found that the estimates for anti-depressant usage is between 4-10%.  It said the use of antidepressants and other psychotropic drugs -- those that affect brain chemistry -- has skyrocketed over the last decade. 

I suspect that some of those people who were surveyed were either not being honest, or it was not a very good population sampling.  I believe a part of the problem with unhappiness is that many people do not realize that happiness cannot be found outside of themselves. 

I know this from personal experience.  I once thought that if I could just obtain a good, relationship, money, career, physical appearance – among other things – that then I would be happy.  I have discovered that none of these things could fill what I have come to call, a spiritual void. 

Happiness starts within you; it is a spiritual quality that I believe is linked directly to the force of gratitude. 

Gratitude: The Happiness Magnet

Gratitude is something that has really been on my mind lately.  Today being Thanksgiving is a way to nationally celebrate this gift of gratitude though I am setting my intention NOW, to make it a daily, conscious habit. 

I know how powerful it is as it has had a profound effect on my life to this point.  Yet, to be honest, I have not cultivated this very obvious spiritual gift as much as I could. 

I believe that it takes conscious choice, at least until one forms a definite habit of it, to see the bounty of things to be grateful for in one’s life.  It is all to easy to get snagged on what is “wrong” with the world as this is the dominant form of news that gets perpetuated both online and off.  It takes conscious effort, clarity of heart and mind, to stay focused on what is “right” about life. 

In reality, it is all good.  What you see before you, what shows up in your life is but a reflection of your own perspective, or creation.  What I mean by this is that HOW you see what is before you determines your actions and thus experiences. 

Before you say, “I can’t help how I feel”, or that you are a victim of your negative perspective, try reading the book “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Dr. Victor Frankl.  He is a person who went through more brutality in Nazi death camps than I will probably ever even come close to, even in a time of world war, Heaven forbid.  Yet, he said one very powerful key that gave him the serenity and peace which attracted to him a safe journey out of his hellish experience and that was this:

     He realized that he had the ability to maintain “the last of human freedoms” – the ability to “choose one’s attitude in a given set of circumstances”

Even though “all hell” was breaking loose in his physical world and he had lost everything, he chose to not “lose his mind” by deciding, from the heart, to stop resisting and hating his circumstances.  He found something to be grateful for.  I believe that this is why he lived to tell his story. 

Confidence and Change: Keep Your Eye on the Prize!

Confidence is developed by doing what you said you would do and staying focused on your way to your goal.  It is very easy to get distracted with all of the negative news if you do not consciously choose to ignore the bad press.  What impacts you take charge of, but the rest is out of your control anyway. 

If you get too focused on the “what ifs”, you may find yourself feeling helpless and hopeless. This is one of the reasons why I am so focused on my goals.  I know from experience that what I keep my faith and focus on expands, so why would I feed my mind all of the negative news stories?

Speaking of how the mind works again, as I said before, the mind acts like a missile when you are very clear about what you desire and you are expecting to get it.  I am not talking about wishful thinking, you have to FEEL or expect to receive your goal also.

 Feeing is physiologic, or in your body and it is very powerful in determine what you experience.  How you think and feel creates your experience, one way or another.  This brings me to the fifth, and last KEY which is KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE PRIZE, or keep your focus. 

One thing that science is showing us is that what we focus on expands.  And what we resist persists.